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Hello. I'm Cheryl, a Twenty-something year old stoned kid who loves indie music, heavy bass, novels, probability and statistics, physics, dark elements and beer. I especially can't stand bad copy writing or typography. My biggest and most embarrassing aspiration is to become a politician.

The content you'd find here mostly consists of curated mood-based music and cynical compositions.

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Oom Swastiastu Bali

My first time ever on break-up island came with bruised and skinned knees and elbows. I slung on a cross body purse and held the purse close to my right thigh and yet, I was still dragged across a few meters by an overly ambitious thief. I became a victim of attempted motorcycle snatch theft, and hit the ground before I knew what hit me, or rather what grabbed me. I assume because the straps didn’t snap, I was holding the pillion down with my weight and throwing him off balance which was the only reason why he let go. After the fall the fight-or-fight response sunk in; I got up, dusted myself, reassured the SO, and started making a quick exit from the streets. 
Only after I’d arrived back at our rented Airbnb apartment did I realise how things could have ended worse. It suddenly struck me; how I could have been dragged across more than a foot, or been knifed. I think we all take for granted of how safe home is, that we forget where crime lurks. As much as this was the case of how shit just happens, I could have been more alert or put on a bitchier resting face. I spent the rest of my holiday looking like a bruised prune. 

We spent all seven days in Seminyak which is suffocatingly commercialised. I wasn’t expecting picturesque perfect but it really was too much for my liking - touristy souvenirs, hordes of obnoxious Caucasians, sights of franchise after franchise. 
Nepal has become a benchmark for all my trips now, and there wasn’t much room in Bali for meditation, reflection and inner soul searching. There wasn’t much silence to share unless we were out of the area.

Nevertheless, I did entirely enjoy learning to surf, and it wasn’t so much of a learning curve for me as I’d previously expected. We’d originally left it out of the budget since we’d spent majority of our funds on our mountain treks but SO decided I should have my chance to try. But the main highlight of our trip was obviously our mountain treks to Mt Batur and Mt Agung. 

Mt Batur was a short trek with far more other people, we reached the summit within 2-3 hours and watched the colours of the sky unfold and transform, unfortunately accompanied by the noise of other trekkers but it was still magnificent and entirely beautiful.

Whilst for Mt Agung, unfortunately we didn’t reach the summit after the eight hour trek. We had to go the long way as the route Via Pasar Agung Temple was closed for ceremonial purposes. The guide told us that the winds were worryingly abnormal which could make keeping our balance difficult when we were out of the forest.
Because there was barely any rain and the trek wasn’t often used, there wasn’t a clear path way/steps paved, the volcanic rocks remain buried in the soft soil and the ground gave way under our weight. We also had to grab onto vines that were hacked and secured onto trees to climb our way up and (almost) rapel our way down. We built fires during our two breaks to keep warm, the enjoyment of sitting by and being mesmerised by the licking flames is one of the best feelings during a cold trek. 

But the best thing during this trip is the warmth of my SO close to me in in nights and mornings resulting in my heavy vacation inertia. 

Accommodation: Airbnb Kuta Studio Room, Ossotel
Surf school: Odyssey’s 
Trek guide: Bali Trekking Tour

"Human beings took our animal need for palatable food … and turned it into chocolate souffles with salted caramel cream. We took our ability to co-operate as a social species … and turned it into craft circles and bowling leagues and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We took our capacity to make and use tools … and turned it into the Apollo moon landing. We took our uniquely precise ability to communicate through language … and turned it into King Lear.

None of these things are necessary for survival and reproduction. That is exactly what makes them so splendid. When we take our basic evolutionary wiring and transform it into something far beyond any prosaic matters of survival and reproduction … that’s when humanity is at its best. That’s when we show ourselves to be capable of creating meaning and joy, for ourselves and for one another. That’s when we’re most uniquely human.

And the same is true for sex. Human beings have a deep, hard-wired urge to replicate our DNA, instilled in us by millions of years of evolution. And we’ve turned it into an intense and delightful form of communication, intimacy, creativity, community, personal expression, transcendence, joy, pleasure, and love. Regardless of whether any DNA gets replicated in the process.

Why should we see this as sinful? What makes this any different from chocolate souffles and King Lear?"

Alex Vargas - Solid Ground

I day dreamed of Alex lying in bed with me singing and strumming his guitar as I played with his beautiful hair and began to be absorbed by those intense eyes… I am ready for penetration. HA. 

Emerging from darkness

I hope one day you will find yourself, you will find a way to move on from this darkness inside you. But for now, please don’t berate yourself for the things you’ve done or didn’t do. Please please do not berate yourself for feeling how you do. 

I’m sorry you’re hurting, and I’m sorry you had to go through that and you’re still suffering it’s traumatic effects; but do not let your depression define you, do not let it change you - do not let it decide you should stop seeing happiness in things. You may be smart, beautiful, compassionate, diligent, romantic, dynamic or witty - whatever you are, you’re still the person you were before this. 

You, you are not your depression. 

People will say a lot of shit because people are critical of what they do not understand. People will measure yours to someone else’s. People may even say you’re possessed by the devil for your sins. You can ignore them or even better, rediscover yourself as you help them understand this is not your choice; it just is what it is. But that doesn’t matter as much as the people who will be with you through this. Maybe it would take a bit of understanding and maybe we may not be able to feel what you do but least we do, we can empathise.

Remember that we love you and we don’t like the thought of seeing you go through this alone. Please ask us for the simplest things, to bring you out for plays, bring you your favourite dinner, to sit in silence with you. Never forget that even when you feel lonely, you are not alone; you’re not going through this alone - don’t push us away. Telling us or asking us for something is not a cry of weakness or pity, it is strength in recognising that you want to get out of this; and I admire you for that, that amazing determination to stay alive even with the odds against you. You’re such a fighter. 

Where do we go from here? We take it one day at a time.

Some days you’ll be chained to your bed, some days you’ll have remain calm when talking to assholes who know shit, some days you’ll want to hang out in an empty cafe with reasonably priced lattes for days on end, some days maybe we’ll hang out and play consoles - all until it gets better. 

Daylight is lost and time does not stop, and that means more and more experiences to live for. 

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Little things

I love the little things, the little ones that integrate into your routine or float by in your daily life. Forget the obnoxious self-gratifications based on ostentatious acts, love the little things. The little things never lie. They are never substitutes or compromises. They don’t buy time. They are honesty and truth.

The little things from the ones who love you are your daily gifts of greatness. 

Thank your sweetheart for never complaining and earnestly waiting in endless queues with you. Smile when you get a text message from them letting you know they’ll be busy and would never choose to neglect you. Kiss them when they drop by for just an hour’s long meal because the main thing is to squeeze whatever time they have to spend it with you. Sink into sweet slumber when you say goodnight to each other - knowing you are the first and last thing on their mind everyday. 

Thank your friends for the years of service they have given to you in reassuring and calming your worries. Cuddle them for knowing exactly when you’re being a cranky monster and knowing what exactly to say to comfort you. Never take them for granted knowing that there’s one person who loves you to death. 

Thank your family for every occasion they baby you no matter how old you already are. Enjoy home-cooked dinner prepared daily for you. Make time for your old folks as much as they made time for you in your youth. Shower them with gifts and experiences they deprived themselves for you. 

Remember to thank the people who love you for being just who they are, just who you need. 

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Some sacrifices

There are things you can never give to me, things that show your worth in love and adoration for me, things that I am not ready to give up.

You know how I am, I do not like giving up control, how I hate having opinions stripped from me. This is my biggest difficulty in being with you.

But I love you nonetheless, two of the greatest reasons why I do are gifts I’ve never experienced before.

I love you for the way you teach me. You teach me but not in the way you tell me how to think or do. But put me in situations that allow me to teach myself, teach myself to become a person I ever so longed to be; a person who’s equally balanced between independence and co-reliant in such an inexplicable and sophisticated manner that some may find hard to believe how I have grown.

I love you for how you never make me feel that I am not entitled to the way I feel. That sometimes, feelings are just feelings because life is uncertain and there are many considerable doubts. You began to understand that this is how I am, and it’s not about who’s more right. You know when I just need to sleep it off, apologise to each other just because we can’t do anything not because we did something wrong.

Maybe one day I would be able to feel enough love and security to give it up and maybe not; but you’re still here. And I am thankful because as much as it is my choice I know it can also be yours to just give up but you said you’ll try and try.

I love you because for what I am past, present and future.