Stockholm and romance
For those who let others put them in tight places
Hi. My name is xxxx, a 20-something year old executive. I suffer from romantic Stockholm syndrome - it’s exactly what it sounds to be; except that the kidnapper in question is actually your significant other.
It’s a great example of “we receive the love we think we deserve.”
You subject yourself to the neglect, uncertainty, insecurity and even abuse because you believe it will tide through; that there’s a calm after the storm. So you wait it out; waiting, waiting, waiting - you lose your priority, you’re a forgotten promise, you fade into the background.
And you tried to make as many logical deductions leading to its failure and stayed sober and mature about the incoming wave. But he refused to listen. Even though at the end of it, it was still all about him. He makes excuses for the things he’s done and didn’t do. But he doesn’t see how different it is right now. Try your best to guide him through this, try your best to make him understand and then you realise how unfruitful these efforts are.
Then something drastic happens. You snap and by then there’s too much damage done.
Shut down. For your benefit and his.
Let it go. Let it die. Let it get out of your mind.
You mourn the death of a friend, a companion, a relationship, who you were and maybe even the universe you used to live in.
Learning to stop loving that person and redirecting all that energy upon yourself is the hardest. Because you see him in the places that you used to go together. You see him whenever someone wears his scent and passes by. You see him in all the things he left behind in your room. You see him in simple things, like zombie movies, stray cats and fast cars. And as for me, sometimes even see him when I step into my car, I think about the times I trembled with fear, banged my head against a dashboard, my hands against the glass, screaming my lungs out in pain.
What hurts the most is how you both ended up like this. Because he was the person that you loved most and you had plans together; to go on a backpacking holiday, find an apartment together by the end of the year, maybe quit your jobs for a new start up together.
What’s even sadder is that you can’t even place him in the corner of your heart - the place where you keep all your ex lovers. You know you have erase him from all the memories and your life in a way that it’s as though he never existed; to keep you safe, to keep you sane.
The Nobellers, missing Aliff Tee
How I stopped loving you
You made me
This will pass. This has got to pass ; before I go insane myself.
My job forces me to wait for delayed gratification. Throughout everything you’d just want to murder the client up till the end of the project.
At the dinner table with my colleagues last night, I had this wonderful feeling wash over me. It was the feeling of being brilliant, witty and absolutely funny as I smiled at them while they laughed themselves silly.
I want that, I want to be able to find someone who would laugh as hard as they did at whatever I said - with all my silly puns, my sarcastic retorts, my sound effects and even my bad impressions.
I am not the most brilliant and definitely not even your local comedian; I want someone who’s able to adore me without me even trying.
Voxtrot - Biggest fan
I’ve interpreted this song in so many ways in the past but recently everything came and “click click click” it went.
It’s about playing your cards right, not honesty no more and definitely not wearing your heart on your sleeve.
Death creeps up like an old friend in the shadows, awaiting the perfect time to act. At a time of bliss, a time of loneliness but it’s always taking away the person you’d least expect.
It holds you back to the ground for you to rethink your decisions and the relationships you have, putting weight to the things “you will do”. What perplexes me the most is how the death of others create more meaning in being alive; it’s so twisted.
The religious sees life as God’s gift and the nihilist sees it as an illusion but the feeling of being alive is not easy to experience because life changes like a wave in the sea, a thought in the mind; shadows of forms.
Chromatics - Birds of Paradise (Amtrac Remix)
Source: SoundCloud / AMTRAC
Passive-aggressive is packaged with this face.